"Okay, hey! I have something to say to you, man! I brake for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots. I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours. I spend my entire day talking to children, and I find it fundamentally strange that you’re not a dessert person. That’s just weird, and it freaks me out! I’m sorry I don’t talk like Murphy Brown. And I hate your pantsuit, and I wish it had ribbons on it — or just something to make it slightly cuter. And that doesn’t mean I’m not smart and tough and strong! Now I’m about to go pay this $800 fine, and my checks have baby farm animals on them, Bitch!"